Honestly

Why?
Why are you so disappointed with yourself? 
Why isn’t your art like you wish it could be? 
Why doesn’t your art look like that persons art? 
Why does your art seem plain? 
Why can’t these two hands create something worth seeing? 
These are question you ask your self daily. These are the questions you dwell on at night when all is silent and your laying in bed in a dark room. The answer is simple. It’s been sitting inside you for quite some time now, you’ve just never taken the time to acknowledge it. 
Your current writing. Your current photography. Your current painting. They are not refections of you, your heart, your soul, your passion. Instead, they are refections of other people. The people that you aspire to be. You are trying to mimic what they do, see how they see. Your trying to create something like theirs only to be disappointed when it doesn’t turn out like you thought it would.  Your art is not truly your own, it’s someone else’s. You can never fully copy someone else art. It will never be as good as theirs because you are not them, you do not have their same experiences, likes, passions, or creativeness. It will only turn out to be a dud you’re disappointed with. This is why you are not satisfied with yourself. That is why your art isn’t they way you want it to be. Your to busy trying to be someone else instead of trying to be yourself. 
Turn off your phone. Turn off your computer. Don’t look at Instagram. Don’t scroll through tumblr. All you will do is wish you were more like the people you see. You’ll try to become more like them and less like yourself. 
You need to learn the difference between inspiration and imitation. Once you stop comparing. Once you stop imitating. Once you stop what you are doing. Your work starts becoming your own. You’ll be able to grow and prosper in your creativeness. You’ll become satisfied with your work. You’ll be able to cultivate the things you wish to see. It will become your own. Suddenly, you’ll be able to look at other peoples art as inspiration, not use it for imitation. You’ll be able to become your own person and not a mere shadow of someone else. You’ll be able to go places you never thought you would go. You’ll be able to see things you never thought you would see. It won’t be easy, for sure. Creating art that come from your soul takes a lot of effort and time spent editing and cultivating. But in the end it is worth more than anything.  Stop looking at other people. Stop comparing and imitating. Instead, look within. There is beauty to be found. 
……..
This post is something I wrote for myself. Honestly, I have been struggling a lot lately with my art and creativity. I don’t find it as satisfying as I want it to be. There is always something missing from my photos or paintings.  There isn’t that spark I want from my writing.  Deep down inside, I knew what the answer was.  I knew what I was doing wrong.  I just never took the time to recognize it. So I wrote this as a way of telling myself what I was doing wrong. Hoping that it would finally click with me that I need to stop being a shadow and start being a real creator. Use my two hands for discovering what is inside my heart, instead of trying to mimic others.
 I hope whoever reads this can take away something from it. I hope you can discover that you are a perfectly unique person, unlike anyone else. Your art, your words, your creativity is something no one else can have. Discover what that is in your heart and use it, instead of wasting time trying to shadow someone else. 

19 Things I’ve Learned Before Turning 19




Today I turn one year older, one year wiser, and on year messier. In light of that, I though it would be fun to post a few little things I have learned in the past years. 


19 things I’ve learned before turning 19

• Don’t judge people before you know them.
• When washing dishes in the dishwasher, make sure to use dishwashER soap, not just dishwashING soap. If you get the two mixed up, you’ll end up with a big bubbly mess and your mom will scold you for ruining the dishwasher. 
• When you have no one to buy you flowers, buy yourself flowers. 
• Be careful who you trust. 
• Don’t rush into a relationship. Enjoy being signal, discover who you are, make the most of your time you have to yourself.
• Coffee comes before Talkee. 
• You don’t have to please every single person. 
• Just because your not good at something or you don’t know how to do something, doesn’t mean you can’t learn or get better. 
• Never take anything for granted, not even the small every day things. 
• Your little brother will, in fact, get taller than you. There’s nothing you can do to prevent it. 
• Be real and raw and venerable. Don’t worry about other people judging you. 
• Don’t let worthless, negative comments get you down. When you do your best, that’s what counts.
• Kitchens are for dancing.  
• You don’t /need/ someone, but you sure can /want/ someone. 
• Write, write, write. Even if it’s messy, just pour yourself out onto paper. Edit later… or maybe even not at all. 
• 2am were made for poets, writers, visionaries, photographers, painters, over thinkers, and silent seekers.
• Being honest is more attractive then being impressive.
• Long drives with the windows rolled down are soothing to the soul. 
• No matter how old you get, you will never stop making mistakes and you will never stop learning. 

The In Between

I believe 2015 has been the year of the “in between” for me. If any of you know me and my story, you know that in 2014 and the years before I was very different, perhaps I was just in the high school stage of trying to figure myself out. Since January of 2015, though, I’ve felt a slight change and I’m not exactly sure what to call it. I feel like this whole year I’ve been in between the stages of something old and something new. The in betweens of an ending and a beginning. I know it’s not the end of the year yet, but I feel like in these past 8 months, I’ve been in a stage where I’m recovering from old scares and wounds and getting prepared for what is to come. Getting my song back together again.
Maybe it’s just the golden bliss of this lovely, Sunday evening but I know something good is coming up ahead. The “in between” has been quite a journey in itself, getting to meet new people, gain new friends, getting to do new things, and say goodbye to old ones. I don’t think any amount of imagination could have dreamed up what these last few months have been for me. How in the world can I imagine what’s up ahead? Heck I’m not even going to try. I think surprises are best away.
In between, you have been lovely.
Now here’s to the leap ahead.