Normally I write about things when I’m in the middle of them: when I have no idea how they are going to turn out or what the answer is. This is one of those times.
I’m honest when I say I have no idea how 2019 is going to unfold itself.
I know a few things: This is the year that I graduate college, I grab that post-graduation job, I start writing my first piece of long prose (that will hopefully turn itself into a novel), that I stand on my feet and walk, somewhere.
This is the year,
this it is. But that’s all I know.
And If I’m honest again, it’s kind of scary. But I don’t want to be afraid.
The fact that there are so many wonderful things ahead, which I know are going to happen, makes me happy, but there are still so many questions left unanswered. There are those days that connect and thread the big days together that will be full of hard work and tired eyes and things I don’t see coming on this day: page 1 of 365.
When I think about 2018, it was such a blur, but I wonderful blur. It was a year laden with words, it tested my ability to write — even when I felt like I had no words to say, when my figures and mind hurt from exhaustion, when there were so many things to do besides sitting down in my chair and typing words onto the screen. Most of what I wrote wasn’t very good — not in the slightest, actually. There were a few gems, though, ones I hope to spruce up a little more and then send out into the world.
A lot of surprises were also carried into my life in 2018, too.
Sometimes love comes and shows itself to you when you’re not looking for it — or it shows itself when you are, in-fact, looking for it, but in a way you never expected to find it. This kind of love wasn’t what I thought it would look like in the first place: instead it’s one-hundred time better than I ever imagined.
If 2018 surprised me with it’s unknowns, I know 2019 definitely will.
I was reading a post I wrote on Instagram on January 1st of 2018; I wrote how 2018 was filled of so many unknown territories, and I was afraid. I supposed it was filled with so many undetermined events, and so is this year, but I don’t think I should be afraid, instead, I want to embrace it wholly — I want to be brave as this year of change challenges me to exercise both my heart and mind while I work to create my little path in this big, crazy world.
I’m not great with new years resolutions, but I suppose if I could set one goal that would be this: to stay whole, present, attentive, brave, and loving while embracing whatever it is this year gives me.
2018 was saturated with tired eye and goodness. Now here’s to 2019.