English 202 // 05
Cups of pumpkin tea.
It’s definitely October. The floors are cold when I wake up in the morning and the sky is it’s autumnal gray, the blue sky hiding away so the golden trees can have their moment, their beautiful death.
Sometimes I struggle to rest. My mind is a body of its own, always on the go, “Do this, do that, don’t have time to sit. Keep going”. A never ending cycle of getting one thing done and then tacking on another.
I don’t have time to slow, I must keep going.
But I know, even though my to-do list is full, and I have hardly any time. There are just someday I need to take a step back and sit inside while it’s raining and enjoy the hues of the leaves that are changing. Everything is changing, so quickly and swift. Thursday is here one moment and gone the next. Sometimes I feel like I’m losing myself to this process.
I’m turning twenty this weekend, which is kind of crazy for me to think about. There is so much I want to say but I don’t quite have the words for it yet. A lot to process. A lot to think about. A lot to sift through. I’m such an overthinker…
Part of me is reminiscing over the past ten years. The teenage years are the crazy ones, wild and free. I won’t forget them. The other part of me is wondering what these next ten years will bring, what do I want to do before I’m thirty?
Here’s a small, unkept list. I’ll be adding to it more down the road:
graduate. get my own apartment. Find a job that will support me, but I also love. break down these walls I’ve built. drink more tea. be honest with myself. find a best friend, a good friend, a loyal friend. Move to a different city for awhile. Get my passport. Visit Paris. Get half way decent at french. Go on a road trip, visiting places I’ve always wanted to see. Write, write lots. Find someone to love.
As I was driving home this evening, it was wet and drizzly. Old Maroon 5 playing through my radio. Rain covered my windshield. Headlights and stop signs were blurry and bloked. They kind of had their own bit of shine as they hit my eyes, glazed and cold. It’s fall but the start of winter is going to unfold, soon.